I recently met a male client who hired a WingWoman to help him approach and talk to women. He is a New York City police officer, so one would assume he has no trouble going up to just anyone. He met with Tiffany, a WingWoman who works with clients in New York. He met and got the phone number of one woman. He did the right thing by following up right away with a text, but she didn’t respond. What happened? It was the same problem he said he usually has; he felt as though he got socially awkward and didn’t have any confidence with her. He explained Tiffany did a lot of the work and he just went through the motions of getting the phone number. The WingWomen are a great resource in helping people with what to say, body language, and doing a great “setup” for you (we can break the ice with the most intimidating of them!) However, it takes practice and, yes training, to get from A-Z. (Z being extremely comfortable and confident in talking to the opposite sex). Here I offer some homework for anyone out there to who has trouble and clams up when trying to talk to someone you’d like to meet.
This first step is something you’ve probably heard before. Make small talk with the opposite sex in the elevator, cashier in a store, etc. It sounds silly but the more you talk to strangers, the more comfortable you will be doing it. This will also show you that 99% of the time, people will respond positively, maybe even with a smile or say something nice back to you. Hopefully this will sink into your brain that most people are nice, and the next time you’re intimidated in going up to that hottie in the bar… they are going to respond positively, even if they’re not interested. If they give you a look or say something mean as a response, obviously they aren’t worth your time anyway.
Next, go to a bar and talk to the bartender(s). This is good practice to make small talk with someone in an environment perfect for training: a bar. You’re not just saying something quick about the weather; you are going from ice-breaker to having a conversation with someone you just met. While you’re talking, it wouldn’t hurt to mention to the bartender that you’re single. He or she can tell you the best times to come in and scope out the other singles.
Go to a hotel bar. Now you’re ready to really talk to someone who would normally be a challenge, but is hopefully much simpler to approach after your practicing. I suggest hotel bars because most people are here temporarily and you can tell yourself you’re never going to see this person again if it doesn’t work out! You have nothing to lose, and you should tell yourself that! Also, you have lots of local info to offer someone who is here visiting or for work, looking for the inside scoop on where to go. Great conversation topics, which makes your life easier!
Next, go to a bar during after-work hours. This is the least intimidating time to actually get “out in the field” by yourself and start meeting people. Tons of people go to bars after work by themselves; you are fitting right in! It’s a great time to chat about how someone’s day went or if they’re having a celebratory drink or a “bad day drink.” Either way, people come to bars to be in public and potentially have conversations; otherwise they’d drink at home. Go to a bar in a commercially-rich area and practice just making small talk about the day, until you’re comfortable breaking the ice with just about anyone in this environment.
Now you’re ready for a more intimidating scene. Just one thing: Before you actually go out, say something to at least one stranger an hour or so beforehand. This will keep the confidence vibe going. You’re already on an “ice-breaking streak,” and you’ve gotten positive responses from those you’ve talked to.
You can really apply these practices anywhere; networking events, fundraisers, any type of gathering where it would be beneficial for you to meet people. Good luck and remember that practice makes confidence!
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