What Do I Do if the Person I’m Dating Starts Pulling Away?

So frustrating, yet so common… You think you’re on a roll with this person and feelings start to develop.. then BAM! They (using “they” to make this simpler than “he or she”) start to text less or become less available. I won’t get into the reasons why people do this, but I will tell you what YOU can do about it.

• Mirror them – If they’re going to start becoming unavailable, then so should you. Do what they’re doing. They’re texting less? So should you. They’re busy on those nights that you’d usually spend together at your favorite local wine bar? You’re busy too.

• Get a hobby – The key is to keep busy, BUT you want to start a hobby or new activity as well. Not only does this show the person you have other things going on, but it’s attractive when someone is passionate about something, AND it will help keep your mind off that person as well.

• Do not communicate more! Don’t be a nag and tell yourself they didn’t get your last text. Being needy will only make you look bad. I’m going with that super cliché saying but, if it’s meant to be, they’ll come back, believe me. Otherwise you don’t want someone who doesn’t really want you anyway. That’s just torturous.

Never put all your eggs in one basket. Talk to more than one person at once until you’ve had the “commitment talk,” Otherwise you could be wasting precious time and are more susceptible to getting hurt. Keep busy and have other things going on in your life. You’re a hot commodity after all!

Why Singles are Choosing Certain Events over the Bar Scene

We usually get pretty booked when a popular event is around the corner. Savvy clients know there are some major advantages to keeping an eye out on what’s happening in the social scene. I’ll get right to it. Here’s why you may want to consider going to an event rather than a bar or lounge:

• It’s less awkward than standing around in a bar. Usually events offer some type of activity or something in which you can participate. Even if it’s wine-wasting, you’re all in the same boat doing something, and it’s easier to meet people that way instead of just scoping out the scene at a bar. Having a good attitude and looking like you’re enjoying the activity is so much hotter too.

• Let’s face it – you can kill two birds with one stone when you go to a fundraiser or charity event. You can feel good about going, and you meet like-minded people. People there care about the cause, and being passionate about something is attractive. With fundraisers, you already have an easy subject to talk about since you have something in common! Head’s up – these tend to be a pricier than other events.

• You know there will be a lot of people there. The bar scene can be hit or miss. A lot of our clients do the “once around” to see if there’s anyone attractive, and if not, they just head out to the next bar. This is a total time-waster. When you go to an event, especially a ticketed one, people who already paid will have an obligation to go because they already put money into it. Also, you can see who’s going, and judge how many people are going, if the event is shared on Facebook.

It’s worth your time and effort to see if anything is coming up in your area. Event suggestions also come with your WingWoman order, so don’t stress if you’re not “in the know.” Contact us to try it out!

Simple Steps to Get the Confidence You Need to Approach Someone -From the People Who do it For a Living

I recently met a male client who hired a WingWoman to help him approach and talk to women. He is a New York City police officer, so one would assume he has no trouble going up to just anyone. He met with Tiffany, a WingWoman who works with clients in New York. He met and got the phone number of one woman. He did the right thing by following up right away with a text, but she didn’t respond. What happened? It was the same problem he said he usually has; he felt as though he got socially awkward and didn’t have any confidence with her. He explained Tiffany did a lot of the work and he just went through the motions of getting the phone number. The WingWomen are a great resource in helping people with what to say, body language, and doing a great “setup” for you (we can break the ice with the most intimidating of them!) However, it takes practice and, yes training, to get from A-Z. (Z being extremely comfortable and confident in talking to the opposite sex). Here I offer some homework for anyone out there to who has trouble and clams up when trying to talk to someone you’d like to meet.

This first step is something you’ve probably heard before. Make small talk with the opposite sex in the elevator, cashier in a store, etc. It sounds silly but the more you talk to strangers, the more comfortable you will be doing it. This will also show you that 99% of the time, people will respond positively, maybe even with a smile or say something nice back to you. Hopefully this will sink into your brain that most people are nice, and the next time you’re intimidated in going up to that hottie in the bar… they are going to respond positively, even if they’re not interested. If they give you a look or say something mean as a response, obviously they aren’t worth your time anyway.

Next, go to a bar and talk to the bartender(s). This is good practice to make small talk with someone in an environment perfect for training: a bar. You’re not just saying something quick about the weather; you are going from ice-breaker to having a conversation with someone you just met. While you’re talking, it wouldn’t hurt to mention to the bartender that you’re single. He or she can tell you the best times to come in and scope out the other singles.

Go to a hotel bar. Now you’re ready to really talk to someone who would normally be a challenge, but is hopefully much simpler to approach after your practicing. I suggest hotel bars because most people are here temporarily and you can tell yourself you’re never going to see this person again if it doesn’t work out! You have nothing to lose, and you should tell yourself that! Also, you have lots of local info to offer someone who is here visiting or for work, looking for the inside scoop on where to go. Great conversation topics, which makes your life easier!

Next, go to a bar during after-work hours. This is the least intimidating time to actually get “out in the field” by yourself and start meeting people. Tons of people go to bars after work by themselves; you are fitting right in! It’s a great time to chat about how someone’s day went or if they’re having a celebratory drink or a “bad day drink.” Either way, people come to bars to be in public and potentially have conversations; otherwise they’d drink at home. Go to a bar in a commercially-rich area and practice just making small talk about the day, until you’re comfortable breaking the ice with just about anyone in this environment.

Now you’re ready for a more intimidating scene. Just one thing: Before you actually go out, say something to at least one stranger an hour or so beforehand. This will keep the confidence vibe going. You’re already on an “ice-breaking streak,” and you’ve gotten positive responses from those you’ve talked to.

You can really apply these practices anywhere; networking events, fundraisers, any type of gathering where it would be beneficial for you to meet people. Good luck and remember that practice makes confidence!

How to Make the Most of Your Time with a WingWoman

We’re in our busiest season! Whether you’re a first-time client or a seasoned pro at this, take note of these tips from the WingWomen themselves.

• Don’t expect a miracle. We can’t promise the venue will be “chock-full or people” you’re attracted to, or that you’ll get 3 phone numbers because you hired a WingWoman. Your chances of meeting someone are greatly increased with her help, but it takes a little patience and sometimes practice. Give it a chance to happen naturally with your new friend.

• Communicate exactly what you’d like the WingWoman to do and why you hired her. It’s smart to take the first 10 minutes or so to talk a little about yourself and what you’re looking to get out of this. Develop a working relationship with your WingWoman. Here’s the thing; every client is different. The more we know about you, the better it will be for us to talk you up and understand your style of things. Some clients want is to go up to men/women right away. Some would rather pick and choose. Some just want a boost of confidence. What are you comfortable with?

 

• Set a goal. We can’t stress this enough. You want to go home feeling like you got your money’s worth. At the beginning of the night, tell yourself to meet at least 2 people with the WingWoman. They don’t have to be perfect 10’s. The more you do this, the more comfortable you’ll get. Also, you never know who you’re going to meet! It’s a small victory knowing that you did what you set out to do.

 

• Be aware of other places nearby in case the chosen venue is a dud. The bar and lounge scene can be hit or miss, depending on the night, weather, if there’s an event going on and the place is closed to the general public, etc. It’s good to have a back-up plan for this reason. The good news is usually in cities there are places very close by, and you can just hop over to a whole new selection of people. Also, the WingWomen are very knowledgeable of the surrounding areas. Feel free to ask for a suggestion. They are socialites themselves!

 

• Ask the WingWoman for her honest opinion. It’s good to have the neutral opinion of someone who’s not your friend. Your friends and family might be sugar-coating their opinion because they think it’s going to hurt your feelings or they just say things to make you feel good. If you’re up for brutal honesty or knowing what you should work on, the WingWomen are here for you. Therefore, be open to suggestions. After all, what do you have to lose?

 

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Are You Dateable?

Are you finding that no one’s responding to your messages you send on Match? Have you been single for a while, after dating for what seems like forever? Are you only getting first and second dates, and people seem to disappear after that? Before you do anything else, check the following attributes to see if these apply to you.

• Do you exude confidence? It’s just how it goes – people want to be with confident people, because they’ve got something that says “I’m worthy of your attention (and possibly love) because I know it, so you should know it too.” If you’re not happy with yourself or you don’t believe in yourself, it’s going to be hard to convince others they want to be with you. If you aren’t confident, fake it ‘til you make it: Look into people’s eyes directly. Stand tall and don’t sulk. Give yourself 3 compliments in the mirror before you go on a date, and so forth. There are tons of articles out there on how to give yourself a confidence boost.

• You should be passionate about something, or have some sort of hobby or interest. This makes people interested in you because you’ve got something going on other than work and going out with friends. Not to mention, it shows you care about something and are committed to it. (See the parallel to being in a relationship?) You can also teach your date more about what you’re into, which is super attractive. Click here to see a study of millions of communications between eHarmony UK members that explains what hobbies make you attractive to the opposite sex.. Just an FYI, “exercise” scores in the top two most attractive interests for both sexes.

• How do you look? To be blunt, looks matter, BUT the good news is you don’t have to look like a supermodel or a total hunk. What you should do is try to look the best version of yourself. Not sure your look is on point? Don’t be afraid to talk to an image consultant. It’s an investment that’s worth every penny. Ladies, ask a makeup artist to teach you how to apply makeup that flatters you perfectly. If you aren’t exercising, you should be. We all know it’s healthier mentally and physically. Not to mention, countless studies show you are being judged by this in your professional and personal life. When we go out, the first thing others see is what we look like on the outside. Don’t just give up and let yourself go because you haven’t found the one yet.

• Are you happy with your job? You don’t have to be wealthy, but if you have a steady job, are a good career track (have goals), and like what you do, then you are date-worthy in the career category. Those who are constantly complaining about work are often thrown into the mix of people who complain about life in general. You want to show that you have control over what you do in your life, both personally and professionally. Liking what you do, being financially responsible, that’s attractive.

• Are you desperate to meet someone? Well if you are, start hiding it. This is especially a turn-off for men. Ladies, try to take things casually, even though you want to know if this is “the one.” Acting desperate and general neediness will get you nowhere fast. Men like a challenge, and you are doing the opposite of challenging them if you put all your eggs in one basket. Show the person you’re dating that you channel your energy into other people and activities as well. This is where hobbies, friends, and other potential mates come into play. Don’t have any of those at the time? If he or she asks you on a date, you can always say you’re busy, but be sure to ask about a rain check.

• Are you all healed from past relationships? Did you have a horrible breakup with your ex? Make sure you’re completely over it and don’t bring baggage or drama into the new one. “Dateable” people are ready emotionally.

• Or maybe you’re just too picky. Are your friends getting frustrated with how quickly you dismiss anyone who tries to talk to you (or even those you’ve started dating) for any reason? Forget your must-haves and dis-qualifiers regarding your potential partner. Nowadays, people have a laundry list of what they’re looking for and it’s only hurting them in the long run. Think about it; are you a perfect 10? It’s so cliché to say no one’s perfect, but it’s so true.

Remember, it’s ok to work on improving yourself in all facets of your life, and finding love is too important to put on the back burner. Contact us if you need any more help!

How to Hit on Someone at the Grocery Store

There are SO many times where I go to the grocery store and see someone attractive and think, why not meet someone here? Grocery stores have major potential for meeting people. Plus, you have so many open-liners to work with, due to so many things surrounding you! I’ve come up with just a few of the many openings you can work with to start a conversation with that attractive stranger.

• The hard-to-find ingredient: Excuse me, I’m attempting to make chicken parm.. Do you know where the breadcrumbs are? Oh, thanks, have you made that before? Any tips?

• The price question: Excuse me, do you know if this is a good price for kale, squash, etc.? Thanks, I’m trying to eat healthier, etc..

• The “I need your expertise” question: Hmmm…what’s the difference between cherry and grape tomatoes, do you know?

• The deli counter wait: Here, often times people are just standing around.. Why not strike up a conversation? You could always make a joke and say “Why is there always a wait?”

• The checkout line last chance (Advanced maneuver): You’d have to do this one before it’s their turn to get rung up, so time is valuable. Act fast. Once again, use your surroundings. You can say something like “They always get me with the candy and gum trap while you’re waiting. I can’t say no.” After that, it’ll get tricky: You have to talk to the person (1) in front of the cashier (2), AND potentially the bagger (3): triple threat. Also, they may be trying to pay attention to the cashier or the computer screen with the prices, or bagging themselves. Not good.

After breaking the ice and the conversation gets going, try to find something in common. (Maybe you’re both getting dog food for your furry friends or you live in the same building or block, etc.) If not, feel free to ask them if they would like to exchange cooking tips by giving you their email or phone number.

Hopefully I’ve planted the seed in your head that you don’t have to be at an expensive lounge buying someone drinks or trying to come up with things to say to someone who’s with friends at the bar. It’s super simple when you learn to work with what you’ve got. In this case, something we all need; food!

8 Realistic Places to Meet Women

Our male clients are always asking me where the women are! I’ve come up with a list of places where our research shows are pretty reliable in helping you get those digits.

 

1. Wine Tastings.  We love wine and it puts us in a welcoming, fun mood! Hello!
2. Fashion shows (not the weekly kind). We love fashion and we love talking about the models. Guys catch on to this quickly though, and they think they’re going to be the only guys there surrounded by women, but there are more and more guys at these continuous shows now. Pick a random fashion show that isn’t a regularly scheduled one. Try a pop-up event or a fundraiser. Also, don’t stare with your jaw dropped at the models. That’s a huge turnoff.
3. Sports bars during a big game. Why? Because generally, it’s our consensus that women aren’t watching it as closely as the guys. A lot of women go to sports bars to meet men, but most guys don’t want to talk, they want to watch. Women even get frustrated in the lack of attention from guys during sports games. This is your chance to swoop in and start talking while you have their attention and the other guys have no clue!
4. “Girlie,” pretty bars. We pay attention to detail. When we are surrounded by velour sofas, stylish walls, beautiful red chandeliers, and fun drinks, we love it, therefore we go back! Not to mention, we love our pretty cocktails, and usually cocktail bars are right up our alley.
5. Outdoor patio bars on nice days. We want to show off our new summer dresses and different makeup, hairstyles, etc., while drinking margaritas out on the patio! What better way to talk to girls than when everyone’s outside in the beautiful weather and in a great mood also!
6. Charity events/fundraisers.  Depending on the event, there are usually more girls than guys. For example, we’ve found that causes such as those for animal cruelty and adoption, breast cancer, and child welfare are heavily attended by women. This brings up a nice topic of conversation that you ALREADY HAVE IN COMMON.. what you’re doing there! You are killing two birds with one stone here – giving to a good cause and meeting women. Girls love a great guy with a good heart!
7. Museum after-hours events.  Another place where women love the surroundings and cocktails, and it’s super easy to just talk about the piece of artwork that is right in front of you.
8. Coffee shops.  I know this one is kind of corny, but people who go to coffee shops with their laptops or things to work on realize that it’s a social environment, and that’s why they’re going. Otherwise, why not go to the library or stay at home to study?  Go up to her or sit next to her and after settling in, and say “Hey, what are you working on/reading/etc.?” Believe me, she will be more than happy to answer!

There are many other places to meet women, as I’m sure you know. I’m even writing my entire following blog on how one can meet people at a grocery store. If any of the above still seems intimidating to conquer on your own, you know where to find us for help!

Tips and Tricks for Sending the Perfect Online Dating Message

You’ve found a great catch after scrolling through 46 rows of profiles. Now, time to make the first move. Stop with the “winks” and the “likes.” Send a message to show him or her you’ve got the confidence to “approach” and get things started!

Hope this helps!

– This should go without saying, but before anything, make sure YOUR profile is grammatically correct and up to par. You’re displaying your intelligence level, after all. If you need to get a friend to double-check your grammar, do so.

– Usually I’d say don’t ask “yes” or “no” questions. In the case of online dating, you want to make it as easy as possible to get the other person to respond, and if you’re already intimidated to write a message, this is very beginner-friendly.

– Find something you (hopefully) have in common in their profile. Obviously, this is the path of least resistance. You’re much better off if you’ve had the same experience, like/dislike of something, etc., to talk about. For example “Hey, I saw that you were in London a couple years ago. I’ve only been there for work… do you think I should go again without the laptop?” You’re asking for advice, which is always a great way to show you care what he or she thinks.

– Don’t send one generic message to everyone. They took the time to put up pictures and a bio. It’s insulting and frustrating when someone sends a message that could have applied to anyone on the site.

– Add some humor. It’s a little awkward to put yourself out there and be ready to exchange info with strangers, so lighten things up by making him or her laugh. This also makes you more dynamic and interesting.

– According to OkCupid’s latest experiment which looked at keywords and phrases and how they affected reply rates, avoid certain physical compliments. Men especially – don’t use the words “gorgeous” or “beautiful,” and definitely not “sexy!” Women want to feel like you’re paying attention to the whole person, not just the looks.

– To simply get more “opens,” peak their interest. You can use a somewhat ambiguous title to get them to want to know what you’re referring to. This is a trick that actually worked on me when I was online dating. You could send a message such as “How did you do that?” if there is a picture of someone climbing a steep mountain, for example. They don’t know what you’re referring to until they open the message. Or another one could be “Where were you…?” then the message inside would refer to a picture with a background you are asking about.

Try these out next time you want to message someone, and please let me know how it goes!

A WingWoman’s Observation

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to share something that we’ve been noticing over the years. As professional WingWomen, we work with clients who sometimes need us to push them out of their comfort zones. We are a neutral voice who will give them honest feedback. (Feedback that sometimes friends or family aren’t able to give). They can take the advice and do with it whatever they like though.

One scenario we frequently come across is when clients go for the same “type” of person time and time again. After dating or being in relationships with people who are the same type over and over again, you’re not doing yourself any good by going out and looking for that same look/personality/behavior with which you’re comfortable. We have had clients who only want us to help them meet Latin women, tall men, men with an accent (true story), only blondes, etc. The problem with this is that you’re closing yourself off to someone who could potentially be a perfect match for you, and you wouldn’t know it. Think of all the missed opportunities!

Robert Gary Lee said “Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain.” The pain in this circumstance would be the breakups with the same type of people you’re into. One of the hardest things to do is self-reflect. Not only that, but realizing that what you’ve been doing isn’t working and needs to be some tweaking. When we’re out with clients, we try to make them “cast a wider net” and give other people a chance. Set a goal to meet at least one person who you wouldn’t normally approach. Have a good attitude about it. What’s the worst that can happen? It doesn’t work out, right? However, you can be proud that you stepped out your comfort zone and hopefully that will lead you to take even more chances with people who aren’t your “type.”

This is Why You Should Make Dating a Priority in the Fall

Has the drive to really try and meet someone gone downhill? Been slacking on getting numbers when you’re out? Haven’t checked your messages in your online dating account? Still in the “summer vaca” mode? NOW is the time to get to work and start a relationship because Fall is THE best time to meet someone. Here’s why:
Changing weather, leaf colors, and change in perspective – There is a general feeling of change in the air, which means people are ready to start a new chapter in their lives. People are back from vacation and ready to “settle down.” Summer flings done, traveling is done, kids are back to school, etc. They’re ready for new beginnings as summer comes to an end. It’s a good time to approach people you’d like to meet because of this openness, and of course you can start by commenting on the weather and asking if he or she is excited for the Fall.

You can do all those stereotypical Fall things, like apple-picking. Some of the best dates you can have are “experience” dates, and afterwards talk about what you did. These can involve doing something together like apple-picking or going to a Fall fair and getting on a roller-coaster and puking up that Italian sausage you just ate. Kidding. The best part of doing an activity together is that you get to see what the person is like under certain situations, instead of just going on a dinner date where everything is perfect and done for you. Go apple-picking and try to grab the most perfect apple that’s the hardest to get in the tree. Get dirty.
The Fall weather offers the best of both worlds; a mix of summer and winter. It allows you to still be able to do things outside together like having a picnic or picking out the perfect pumpkin in a pumpkin patch, but also share a hot drink under a blanket afterwards, like winter. Perfect.
It’s not awkward to give them a holiday present around the holidays. I remember that feeling of questioning myself whether I should get him something even though we just met a few weeks ago. I’d ask myself “Is he getting me something? How much should I spend on a guy I’m just starting to date?” The holidays are that much more special if you have spent a few months with someone and get to know what he or she likes, so the present will be that much more meaningful and appropriate.
Soon winter will come (hello freezing temps). Once you’ve gotten to get to know each other a little better, winter is going to be the perfect time to stay inside with your new relationship and keep each other warm. Sounds corny and lovey-dovey, but isn’t that what starting a relationship is all about?
Need I say more? Get out there and do you best to meet someone during this perfect time frame. Make daily goals to look for events where meeting people would be easy. Respond to your online dating messages, and get dating help to maximize your potential. I hope I got you motivated. Best of luck from all the WingWomen!