Observing Your Competition and Playing the Part

I get a lot of inspiration to write this blog from friends and clients, both male and female. This one is for all the ladies that go out and try to meet men, and are confused at why they are not getting attention, where other women are. The answer is: observation and work.

When you go out on the town with your friends, are you observing what other women are wearing? Are you observing what is in style right now, or more importantly, what is attracting men right now? If you aren’t doing this, you may as well hand the hot men over to the competition and go home. Ouch. I know. Sorry, but if you’re not paying attention to what a guy looks for when he goes out to meet women, then you doing yourself a disservice.

I recently went out for apps and drinks with a close, very attractive friend who I am constantly nagging to dress sexier, put makeup on, wear some heels, etc. Of course, as usual, she shows up to meet me at a swanky lounge wearing what looks like her mother’s black satin pajamas. It may be the Boho chic style to wear a baggy shirt that looks like a big garbage bag and doesn’t show your body at all, but it’s not flattering. On top of that, she was wearing little to no makeup to show off her beautiful eyes or amazing cheeks, and her hair was flat and dull.

It may seem like I’m insulting my friend, but I’m not. She was the one who was feeling insecure after the many men we were near weren’t paying attention to her at all. I could go on and on about this, but my point is that you have to think like a man, and men are visual as well all know!  After a while, we went to the bathroom and made some quick fixes. She borrowed my lipstick and fluffed her hair up a little, and tucked her shirt in, so at least her hips, etc., could be seen. If only she had brought a spare pair of heels instead of flat walking boots, but alas, what we did work on got her more attention then before!

I hear it from other WingWomen all the time as well. We go out with our female clients, do the best that we can with introductions and coaching them, but ladies, you have to work for it too. It takes a lot of effort, but like anything in life, if you really want something, in this case, to meet men when you’re out, then you have to play the part. Your competition is working it, and so should you.

From the Eyes of a WingWoman – Body Language

Hi guys! My name is Sabrina and I am a Manager, Dating Consultant, and WingWoman for Hire a Boston WingWoman. I wanted to give everyone a sense of some of the most common mistakes that I see when I’m working with both male and female clients at some of Boston’s best events, bars, and lounges. Today we are going to talk about something that many people don’t pay much attention to, but should – BODY LANGAUGE. Many people feel that the way they look matters the most when going out, but that is 100% untrue. What matters the most is your body language and the confidence with which you carry yourself.

Let me set the stage: A few weeks ago I was out with one of my newer clients when I began to notice that his body language was completely ruining his chances with women. He was well dressed, had a nice smile, and had plenty of interesting things to talk about, but none of that mattered because of the way he was carrying himself. Bars are loud and very crowded, so they are great opportunities to lean in close to talk to someone that you’re interested in. My client also had a softer voice, which was perfect for the occasion because every woman he spoke to was leaning in to better hear what he was saying. HOWEVER, instead of seizing on this opportunity to lean back towards the women he was talking to, and break that often-awkward barrier of closeness in a bar, he would consistently lean away from them!

Once I saw this I knew I had to spring into action. The problem was that he didn’t even realize he was doing this, so he didn’t know that he was giving women the impression that he was put-off by them. I took him aside and demonstrated what he was doing to the women, and then demonstrated what I wanted him to try instead. After I intervened I saw him improving with his body language and capitalizing on his chances to stand closer to women in a non-intimidating way. By the end of the night he had even gotten a woman’s phone number that he was very interested in.

Here are a few quick tips to remember:

• Smile. People are attracted to others whom they believe are having a great time. If you look bored or scared or upset no one will want to talk to you.
• Lean in towards the conversation. It shows that you’re interested in what the other person is saying.
• Try to make good eye contact. If you’re looking all around the room instead of at who you’re speaking to it gives the impression that you’re not listening or looking for someone better to talk to.
• Ask questions. It shows that you’re engaged in what the other person is saying and that you want to learn more.

Good luck out there! And remember, if you can’t do it alone then we are always here to help!

~ Sabrina